I managed to get two more chapters done after doing absolutely fuck all the past few months, but I feel like ill never be able to go back to when I first started this project and was having so much fun with it, constantly coming up with new ideas and growing and expanding things. Now it's just something that always buzzes in the background of my mind even though i'd really like to focus on it. in a time of extreme stress (I.e undiagnosed heart condition), my brain is taking away everything that makes me happy just because it can.

it feels like im looking up at everything from underwater

...i miss them. i miss having them in my head.